Can I avoid falling if I skate fast enough?
Updated: August 13, 2012 1:23PM
Here’s Judy’s pick of coming community activities in the Northbrook area, spiced with a little commentary.
Faster than Superman! A four-session speedskating class will be held from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. Fridays, beginning July 20, for ages 7 and older to develop proper technique through fun drills, games and races at the Northbrook Sports Center, 1730 Pfingsten Road. All levels are welcome. Skaters can use figure, hockey or speedskates. The Northbrook Speedskating Club provides instruction. For more information visit www.nbparks.org or call (847) 291-2993.
I also need this speedskating class so I can learn how to skate at the speed of light so that the nanosecond I start to fall (guaranteed), my licketdy-split (a scientific term) forward motion will propel me out of the rink and into the parking lot next to my car before I touch down (ouch). (I think Isaac Newton had a name for this principle of velocity, but he won’t take my calls.) This way I will avoid the usual snickering from onlookers when I’m sprawled on the ice for the 1,075th time. So, kids, see you in class — or not — because I’ll be a-travelin’ fa-a-a-a-ast.
Swayless, Snapless, Songless Judy. At 7 p.m. July 17, the tropical sounds of Caribbean rock, reggae and calypso will fill Village Green Park, as Johnny Russler and the Beach Bum Band perform at the free Park Fest concert. Food service from Whole Foods begins at 6 p.m.; no dogs or alcohol are allowed. In case of inclement weather, call the Northbrook Park District hotline at (847) 291-2985 for updates.
Caribbean rock, reggae and calypso makes you want to sway and snap your fingers. And you go ahead — I, however, cannot join you as I have promised the Park District there will be nary a sway, snap or, most especially, a song from little Judy here. Nope — although I do think employing two 350-pound bouncers to pick me up by my elbows and carry me out if I break my promise is a bit much.
And stay there! The film “It Came From Outer Space” (1953, 81 minutes), presented in 3D, will be shown at 1 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. July 18 at the Northbrook Public Library, 1201 Cedar Lane. A spaceship from another world crashes in the Arizona desert, and only two people suspect alien influence when the local townfolk begin to act strange. Admission is free. For more information call (847) 272-6224.
My hero sometimes “acts strange” — especially when, in a tiff with me, he walks out abruptly and refuses to engage in what I call a discussion, but what he calls “you going on and on,” which causes me to yell after him, “You are so strange and a jerk besides.” Next time this happens, I’ll just “suspect alien influence,” and shout, “And go back to Mars.”
So the question is, “How do caterpillars become butterflies?” I think it takes a trip to the butterfly plastic surgeon, but I could be wrong. I’ll ask at the festival. Look for me, I’ll be the one with a butterfly net over her head — my disguise when I’m asked to leave after I tell them my theory.
So this Kaleidoscope Kids Camp promotes self-expression. I am so jealous because growing up my neighborhood in Chicago, the only self-expression kids were allowed was saying yes to everything your parents said, from, “You’re gonna eat everything on your plate, including the liver, right?” to, “Your brother’s crying, it’s all your fault, isn’t it?” Self-expression — no; self-preservation — yes.