Phones getting smarter while people stay same
Updated: May 4, 2012 3:02PM
I steer the van into the service department. A 20-something man greets me with moussed hair and pungent cologne.
After I give him the keys, he inspects the interior, his gaze resting on the 10-year-old VCR unit. That VCR hasn’t worked since I yelled at a kid trying to yank the hair from his brother and a Biggie Diet Coke sloshed all over it.
The service dude raises an eyebrow. “I haven’t seen technology that old in some time.”
Uh-oh. One of those technophiles who must have the newest Apple gizmo the second it plops from the manufacturing tree. You know the kind. They wear Matrix sunglasses and their mouths are straight lines of coolness, not a millimeter of emotion. This guy probably Tweets every drive-through visit to McDonald’s.
I so want to tell him that I was there when Ford rolled out the first Model T, that Calvin Coolidge and I listened to our vinyl Monkees records together, and that I’m hoarding a unicycle in the garage. Truth be told, I have no idea what a “4G” is. A Bluetooth sounds like a trip to the dentist.
His phone rings. Then the thing pirouettes in his hand, spell-checks his Visa bill and serves up a latte.
My eyes widen. “That’s some phone.”
He fingers through icons on the silver gadget. “Smartphone technology.”
Note to self: He must impress and add “technology,” when it is a phone, a single unit, not a branch of industry, e.g., “technology.”
“Smartphone, huh? My cell phone dropped out of high school.” I narrow my eyes, aiming for cool but probably looking like I’ve got something in my contact lens. Coughing, I ignore the Flock of Seagulls ring from my own phone and start to feel archaic, like part of me should be on display at the Smithsonian, with some youngster pointing: “Oh, Mommy, look! Is she from the 18th or 19th century?”
In this horrible economy, few
of us can keep up with the
Joneses, much less the Jetsons.
Besides, I don’t know how having the coolest technology makes someone more intellectually gifted. Despite technological advances, human nature remains pretty constant.
Like procrastinating and stuff. Like me putting off an oil change.